i did not think it would be this difficult.

{actually, that's a bold faced lie.}

as much as i am looking forward to the clothes swap i am going to tomorrow evening i knew that by committing to attending i was also leaving myself no more excuses.  no more excuses to put off going through my drawers, closets and accessories and purging without mercy.

without. mercy.

i am in desperate need of space.  free open space that allow drawers to open without an upper arm workout.  closets that don't say 'you'll never be a size two again' every time i open the door.  or spill out chunky knit turtlenecks in mid summer.  but seriously, more than anything i need the clear, organized physical space.

i have barely begun and yet i have taken two coffee breaks, caught up with an old friend on facebook chat, swept the dust bunnies out from under the bed and opened and closed the fridge door sixteen times and counting while trying to decide what i want for lunch.  anything to avoid getting to the "try on" stage of the purge.

there were items that are easy to let go of.  pants purchased for a job interview in 1999.  a shirt received as a gift  that isn't really my style.  a necklace that i have no idea how it came to be in my possession.

it's just that the "try on" stage leaves no room for mercy for the items to which i do have sentimental attachment.  the ones that evoke memories and feelings and actual emotions.  the ones into which i will never again fit.  the ones who no longer fit into my life.

i knew this would be difficult.  but i also know how good it will feel after it's finished.

this post is part of my ongoing {although sporadic} attempt at creating an intentional home with support from 'pancakes & french fries' william morris project.